Ep #77: Giving Up or Letting Go

Weight Loss Success with Natalie Brown | Giving Up or Letting Go

Are you unsure if you’re being too nice to yourself on your weight loss journey? Do you think you should be punishing yourself more for overeating or eating off-plan? 

This is one area of the weight loss process that I frequently see a lot of confusion around. There is a huge difference between being compassionate with yourself versus making excuses for the choices that don’t align with your plan. The pivotal moment between growth and stagnation boils down to either giving up on yourself or letting go with acceptance, and I’m laying it out for you today. 

Join me on the podcast this week as I show you the difference between kindness and excuses. I’m highlighting the mistakes we often make when we eat off-plan, what giving up on yourself looks like, and how to begin letting go from a place of love to drive long-term change. 

If you’re ready to lose weight for the last time, and to do mind-blowing, life-altering work, I invite you to apply for my new weight loss group. If you want to know more, click here to apply for a strategy session with me where we’ll see if the program is a fit. I can’t wait to meet you!

What are you struggling with? What would you love to learn more about? I would love your input because I want to make sure I help you where you need help most. Click here to submit any and all weight loss questions you have for me, and I look forward to answering them!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • The difference between kindness and excuses. 
  • What it looks like to give up on yourself.
  • How letting go from a place of love and kindness is what drives change. 

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

This is Weight Loss Success with Natalie Brown, episode 77.

Welcome to Weight Loss Success with Natalie Brown. If you’re a successful woman who is ready to stop struggling with your weight, you’re in the right place. You’ll learn everything you need to know to lose weight for the last time in bitesize pieces. Here’s your host, Master Certified coach, Natalie Brown.

Hey everybody. How’s it going? I am finally home and really appreciating having an unpacked suitcase for a minute. It won’t be long though before my brain is complaining about wanting to go somewhere I’m sure. The grass is always greener, right?

If you have straight hair, you want curly hair. If you are traveling all the time, you just want some time at home. If you’re quarantined, you just can’t wait to go out. You have a job, you want time off, if you get laid off, you want a job, right? It’s hard to just be and appreciate where we are sometimes, isn’t it?

I’m working on that, allowing complaints, but giving equal airtime to the rest as well, knowing I can always find something to complain about but I can also always find something to be glad about, to be grateful for. Always a balance.

And along those lines, I just want to say how grateful I am for all of you who by your own free will and choice pop in and leave a review about the podcast. I periodically go in and catch up and read all of them. I think I just went in and read the latest nine.

And every single time I do, I end up with tears in my eyes and so much love in my heart for you. I’m just so glad and so grateful and so excited to hear that the podcast is making a difference for you. That you are taking these concepts and you are applying them to your lives and you’re seeing real changes. That means the world to me.

And honestly, I think it’s easy for me at times to get discouraged. I’m putting myself out there and doing this work in the world and sometimes it’s challenging and sometimes it’s hard. And I’m really invested in my clients and in all of you and wanting you to be successful and feel amazing and create the lives that you want.

And I’m not always getting feedback about how that’s going, so it’s super fun to get some feedback, to get in, read those reviews, hear how it’s going, and how this is blessing you and you’re able to take it into your lives and make the changes that you want to.

So for those of you who have taken the time to express how you feel and how the podcast is helping you and leave me a review, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love all of you so much. If you haven’t left a review and you love the podcast and it’s changing your life, head in there and drop me a review. Super fun to read like I said.

And also of course, the more reviews, the more visible the podcast is, the more people that it can reach and help. So always love new reviews as well for that reason.

So I wanted to take some time this week and address a line of questions I get a lot. Rather than answering this in my future Q&A podcast, I figured I’d give it its own answer here in a whole short and sweet episode of its own.

So the questions are as follows. How do I know the difference between making excuses and justifying overeats or off-plan eats and being kind to myself? Am I being too nice? Am I not punishing myself enough? Am I encouraging this behavior by not being mad and mean to myself about it?

So we’ve talked about previously how there are a few pivotal moments on your weight loss journey, before, during, and after. We want to make a plan in advance with our adult brain for what we want to eat and how much. That’s the before.

We want to pay attention to what comes up when we go to execute the plan, what complains about the planned food our brain offers us, what desires we have to eat other things, that’s the during. And then we want to tune in to how we react to our choice after.

The during and after is what we’re talking about here. We make a realistic, loving plan. And then the moment comes to eat what is on that plan and oftentimes we’ll hear our toddler brains start to chime in.

“That doesn’t sound good, we should eat something else, there are cupcakes in the pantry, one or two won’t matter that much, I’ve been really good all week, I deserve a treat, work has been hard and I need a break, it’s fine, it doesn’t matter, it’s not that big of a deal, I don’t even care, this sucks, it’s unfair, it’s not working anyway.”

And then we eat the thing or many things, and then we often hear some of the same things. “It’s fine, I’ll start over tomorrow, doesn’t matter, I don’t even care, it’s not a big deal, what’s done is done.” That sounds kind, right? The words sound accepting and compassionate, but that isn’t always how it feels.

And that is the difference between kindness and excuses, between apathy and engagement, between growth and stagnation. How it feels when you think these things and what that drives you to do next. Try it on.

Let’s say you’re working toward your weight loss goal and you have roast chicken and veggies on the plan for dinner. And you get home from work after an intense day and your brain is like, “Eat some chocolate. You’ll feel better, you deserve it, you’ve been really good this week. Today was hard, chocolate will help.”

When you think I deserve it about eating chocolate that isn’t on your plan, how do you feel? It may feel kind of fun, like a little bit of relief, but tinged with guilt, colored with rebellion, slightly sneaky, like you’re getting away with something.

You eat the chocolate with a little guilt and rebellion and next it’s, well, there’s ice cream in the freezer and I’ve already had some chocolate so who cares? The day is shot, doesn’t even matter, I’ll just start over tomorrow.

When you think it doesn’t matter and who cares as you go to eat more things that are not on your plan, how do you feel? Apathetic? Careless? Hopeless? Indifferent? This is giving up on you. This is throwing in the towel. This doesn’t come from kindness or love.

These thoughts don’t generate feelings that move you forward. They create feelings that have you taking actions that move you backward, or at the very least have you staying right where you are. It shuts you down to learning because we’re just sweeping it under the rug, choosing to ignore it and move on, missing out on the opportunity for learning and growth.

What we sometimes make the mistake of thinking is that we need to go straight into beating ourselves up about our choices. That the way to change is through punishment, that instead of it doesn’t matter, it should be what is wrong with you, you shouldn’t have done that, that was dumb/careless/wrong/bad, et cetera.

But once again, what matters is how you feel when you think those things and what it makes you want to do next. If you feel shame and guilt when you think that was wrong/bad, that’s not going to drive you to start sticking to your plan.

Shame and guilt don’t fuel sustainable changes. Even if you make some temporary changes from shame or guilt, they eventually lead to more overeating and giving up on you.

So think about the same scenario where you overeat, eat off plan, and you choose compass instead. The same sentence, what’s done is done, can feel like acceptance and can open us up to learning if we’re willing to take a closer look.

“It doesn’t matter, it’s okay,” can feel like love if we’re willing to let go and learn from it. The concern driving this initial question I think, the how do I know the difference between making excuses or justifying my behavior and being kind to myself question, is that if we are too kind, if we are too accepting, we will not change. But the opposite is true.

When we are kind and accepting, that is how we drive change. Because change comes not from being perfect or from punishment, but from learning from our missteps and deciding how we want to move forward with that knowledge.

There’s a difference between choosing to slip into apathy about our food decisions and give up and choosing to accept our decisions and let go of judgment. Extending kindness to yourself about where you are, about wanting to eat off plan, not keeping your commitments to yourself has no downside.

Beating yourself up about where you are, about you wanting to eat off plan, about you not keeping your commitments to yourself has no upside. The most important part is how you feel and what you do next. That is the difference between excuses and justifications and kindness.

Okay everybody, keep those questions coming. I want to answer all of them. Anything you’re curious about, anything you’re stuck on, anything you’re unsure of. Head to itbeginswithathought.com/question and ask away. Okay everybody, have an awesome week. I’ll see you soon.

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Weight Loss Success with Natalie Brown. If you want to learn more about how to lose weight for the last time, come on over to itbeginswithathought.com. We’ll see you here next week.

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Natalie brown certified life and weight loss coach

Meet Natalie

I spent over 2 decades battling my weight and hating my body, before I found a solution that worked FOR GOOD. I lost 50 pounds by changing not just what I eat, but WHY. Now I help other women like me get to the root of the issue and find their own realistic, permanent weight loss success. Change is possible and you can do it. I can help you.

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