I used to be afraid.
I was afraid of heights.
I was afraid of losing a child.
I was afraid of growing old.
I was afraid of giving up sugar and Dr. Pepper.
I was afraid that someone would come over to my house, unannounced, and see that it wasn’t spotless, and think I was terrible at my job (of stay-at-home mom/housekeeper).
I even had a fear, almost every time I drove, that I would run off the road, run into a barricade, or run head-on into oncoming traffic and kill everyone in the car (which was usually an adorable bunch of girls I was responsible for driving safely to dance.)
I suffered from living afraid for a long time.
It held me back from trying new things, growing, and having peace in my life.
I tried to fix it with food.
It didn’t work.
And then I discovered a secret.
I could make fear my friend.
See, I was not just afraid, but I was resisting that fear.
I knew that fear felt awful, and I didn’t want to feel it, so when it came up, I would push it down.
Like pushing a beach ball under the water.
I could hold the fear there for a while…
But it always came back up, with a vengeance.
So I learned how to recognize the fear.
Feel it in my body.
And allow it to be.
Like letting that beach ball float on the surface of the water.
It comes around and bumps into me once in a while.
But I see it, and I recognize it.
I just say “Oh hey fear. I see you. I know you’re there.”
And it floats away.
As gently as it came.
And I can take a deep breath…
And let it go.
It all begins with a thought.