Being my own boss
Seems like everyone right now is trying to get themselves a side hustle, start a business or become an entrepreneur. Anyone else notice that? Maybe since we were all locked down and working from home…people started to think, I should just do this whole work from home thing full time only make it a work for me thing instead. And there are perks for sure from one entrepreneur to another. I love setting my schedule and doing things my way and making decisions for myself.
But truth be told, as much as I am an ‘alone time gives me life’ kinda person, solopreneuring can be a lonely game. I really enjoy being part of a team, collaborating and feeding off of others energy and working toward something together. And sometimes it is nice to just follow directions and not make decisions and leave work at work.
I find parts of having my own business feels heavy. The alone, just me parts often feel this way. The emails, administration, paying of bills, decisions about how to move forward or what to do next. The weekly to-do’s. Sometimes all of it feels like I have 100 pound weights on my ankles and I’m trying to get somewhere quick. It is hard. It is draining. It is really easy to want to put off, procrastinate and avoid it.
But the parts of my business that involve my clients, teaching and coaching…those feel like wings. I cannot wait to get to my office and see my clients faces and dive deep into their struggles and celebrate their successes. Through the course of their time with me, I grow to love them so much and I miss them and I think about them all the time. I believe so hard in them, harder than they believe in themselves sometimes. Time flies on calls with my clients and I always leave my office on those days feeling light and flying high.
It’s interesting. Even as much as I label myself an introvert, someone who is recharged with alone time and being social and interacting requires quite a bit of energy…in my business it’s the opposite. I guess I am a personal introvert but a business extrovert:)
Let’s make a list
This concept of weight and wings is something my clients and I have been talking a lot about. I want to explore it here with you too because I think it’s a useful tool that will help you as you sort through why you do certain things and avoid others, why some parts of this feel so hard and others don’t challenge you as much. And I want to show you how you are actually in control of which category these things fall into and help you see how you can start to do this more intentionally.
So let’s start with making 2 lists: One will be all of the things that you are actually doing that relate to weight loss and your second list will be the things you think you are supposed to be doing or should be doing but aren’t actually doing. 🙂
Think about the different categories if it’s helpful-like food, self-care, mental and emotional health, movement etc. Break down each list item into its smallest parts for the most clarity.
So you might have “planning meals” on the list-but this potentially has smaller parts-some that might be on the ‘doing list’ and some on the ‘think I should but am not actually doing’ list.
Planning includes writing down what you will eat-but it may also include making a shopping list to purchase food on that plan, actually going to the store and buying it, prepping it, etc. or it may include looking through the fridge/freezer to see what it available and going with that, or it may include looking at your weekly schedule to see how many client lunches you will be having so that you can plan accordingly.
And planning versus eating what you plan are also 2 different things. One might be on the doing list, one on the not but should be doing list. So make sure you think through it and separate it out into all of its parts and get them on the right list.
Wings or Weight
After you have your specific lists, I want you to go through each item on that list and ask yourself-does this feel like wings or weight? Don’t overthink it. Just come up with two colors or circle one and underline the other and separate it out.
And once you’ve done that…We are going to apply our favorite question…why?
Why does this feel like wings?
Why does this feel like weight?
Spoiler alert…it’s not because some are just hard and some are easy. It’s not because you are good at some and bad at others. It is not because parts are just fun and other parts just suck. And it has nothing to do with you as a human.
The reason the different things on the list feel different, is because of how you are thinking about them. I talk to you about loving your reasons a lot right? I tell you to pay attention to the decisions you are making and notice if they feel aligned. I tell you to come from love. This is another way of doing that.
If you love your reason…you’ll know because it feels like wings. If you don’t, it will feel like weight. If you make a decision and it feels like wings…it’s aligned. If you make a decision and it feels like weight, it’s not. If you are coming from love for yourself…it will feel like wings. If you are coming from fear or punishment or self loathing, it will feel like weight.
That’s because that feeling of weight or wings…it comes from you, not the thing you are doing/not doing or eating/not eating.
What are your thoughts?
Let’s say planning your meals for the next day is on the doing list and it feels like wings. That is because you are likely thinking something like: I can totally do this tomorrow. This will make a big difference. I’m going to be so proud at the end of the day tomorrow. This will be easy. This is doable. This is an important part of the process. This is how I will lose the weight…planning and eating like this.
Let’s say it’s on the not doing list and feels like weight. That is because you are likely thinking something like: I hate this. It will never work. I don’t want to do this. I don’t have time for this. There’s no point since I have no idea what tomorrow will be like. I probably won’t even want to eat this tomorrow. This is too hard. I have no idea what to plan. I hate following a plan.
It’s not the item on the list or the amount of time or skill it requires that makes it feel like wings or weight-it’s how you are thinking about it. So you don’t have to find something else to do-you just have to figure out how to think differently about it.
If there is something on that list that you know is important to your process and yet you are not doing it and it feels like weight…start there. Question each sentence you think about it. Why do you believe it? What else is true? Counter argue your way through it. Imagine you are someone who is doing the thing consistently and it feels like wings to them…why? How are they thinking differently about it? How could you get on that same page? Or one close to it?
There may be things on the not doing list that feel like weight that you don’t think are important. When you come across those…cross them off. Get rid of them. Focus on the things that are important to you. Get them feeling more like wings.
When you notice ‘should’ sentences…they’ll feel like weight every time. So swap out the word should with could, can, want to, or choose to and see if that small shift can change it to wings. Sometimes all it takes is a slightly different way of looking at it and it changes everything.
Now this feeling of wings…doesn’t always come from the easy, fun, simple decision. Sometimes it comes from the hard, gritty, tricky decisions. You can say no to your toddler brain that wants to eat all the chocolate after a hard day at work and all the discomfort of that will wash over you…and it will still feel like wings. Or you might have the opposite experience-you get home, want the chocolate so bad…eat it and feel relief because you gave in and said yes, but it will feel like weight.
Loving talk to ourselves
At our core, we are loving beings. We build lots of walls and mazes and protections and sound barriers as we go through our lives and disconnect from this core. But it doesn’t stop existing. And it doesn’t change. The strongest evidence to me of this is that we feel so terrible when we are terrible to ourselves. When we talk cruelly to ourselves, when we criticize ourselves mercilessly, when we berate ourselves for not being perfect…we feel terrible.
I have never had anyone come to me and tell me that they love when their inner mean girl screams at them that they are fat and disgusting when they look in the mirror or that they really appreciate how much crap that voice gives them for overeating or eating certain things or that they can’t wait to wake up every morning and hear the broken soundtrack start up-you are broken, you’ll never figure this out, you’re hopeless, you don’t deserve anything better.
That is actually the number one thing that my clients want to change. They want that voice to quiet and the conversation to change. They want to have more compassion for themselves and more confidence in themselves.
This is the call from that loving core. When we align with its desire for us to treat ourselves with love and respect, we feel the wings. When we go against it, it’s weight.
It will take some practice to feel it, but close your eyes and pay attention-sometimes the hard decision feels like wings because it is aligned with that loving core or you, sometimes the default easy solutions feels like weight, because it is not aligned with that inner part of you that wants to progress and grow with love.
So don’t just look at something and guess. Test it out. Try it on, I always say. Start tuning into the feeling difference of wings and weight. And start to be guided by it.
If you need more help testing these out…let me help!