What feels like a weight to you in your life? Do the decisions and weekly to-do lists all feel like you’re trying to get somewhere quickly, but you have weights around your ankles? I know in my business, all the strategy and admin really weigh me down. However, seeing my clients, teaching, and coaching them feel like wings to me. Especially when it comes to weight loss, we all have parts of the journey that feel better than others.
I’ve been diving into this topic of weight versus wings with my clients lately. It’s helped them sort through why they do certain things while avoiding others, and why some aspects of their weight loss journey challenge them, while others are easy, and helped them see the power they have in removing the weight from some of the heavier parts of the process.
Tune in this week as I go through a practical exercise to identify what is weighing you down on your journey, what’s giving you wings and helping you excel at losing weight, and most importantly, how to use mindset to lighten the areas that are currently weighing you down.
This is Weight Loss Success with Natalie Brown, episode 134.
Welcome to Weight Loss Success with Natalie Brown. If you’re a successful woman who is ready to stop struggling with your weight, you’re in the right place. You’ll learn everything you need to know to lose weight for the last time in bitesize pieces. Here’s your host, certified life and weight coach Natalie Brown.
Hey, everyone. Seems to me like everyone on the Earth is trying to get themselves a side hustle or start a business, or become an entrepreneur. Any of you noticed that? Maybe since we were all locked down and working from home, people just started to think, I should just do this whole work from home thing full-time, only make it a work for me thing instead. And there are just perks for sure from one entrepreneur to another. I love setting my schedule. I love doing things my way. I love making decisions for myself.
But truth be told as much as I am an alone time gives me life kind of person, solopreneuring can be a pretty lonely game. I really enjoy being a part of a team, and collaborating, and feeding off others energy, and working towards something together. And sometimes it’s nice to just follow directions and not make decisions, and leave work at work. So, I find parts of having my own business feel heavy, the alone just me parts often feel this way.
The emails, the administration, the paying of bills, the decisions about how to move forward or what to do next, the weekly to-do’s, sometimes all of it feels like I have 100 pound weights on my ankles and I’m trying to get somewhere quick. It’s hard. It’s draining. It’s really easy to want to put it off and procrastinate and avoid it. But the parts of my business that involve my clients, and teaching, and coaching, those feel like wings. I cannot wait to get out to my office and see my clients faces and dive deep into their struggles and celebrate their successes.
Through the course of their time with me I just grow to love them so much. And I miss them when we’re done and I think about them all the time. I believe so hard in them, sometimes, well, I would say maybe a lot of times, harder than they believe in themselves even especially when they first start. Time flies on calls with my clients, and I always leave my office on those days feeling light and flying high. It’s interesting. Even as much as I label myself an introvert, someone who is recharged with alone time and being social and interacting requires quite a bit of energy.
In my business it’s the opposite, so maybe I’m a personal introvert but a business extrovert I guess. This concept of weight and wings is something my clients and I have been talking a lot about. And I want to explore it here with you too because I think it’s a useful tool that will help you as you sort through why you do certain things and avoid others, why some parts of this feels so hard and others don’t challenge you as much. And I want to show you how you are actually in control of which category these things fall into and help you see how you can start to do this more intentionally.
So, let’s start with making two lists, one will be of all the things that you are actually doing that relate to weight loss. And your second list will be the things you think you are supposed to be doing or should be doing but aren’t actually doing. Think about the different categories if it’s helpful like food, self-care, mental and emotional health, movement, whatever. Break down each list item into its smallest parts for the most clarity.
So, you might have planning meals on the list but this potentially has smaller parts, some that might be on the doing list and some on the think I should but I’m not actually doing list. Planning includes writing down what you’ll eat but it may also include making a shopping list to purchase food on that plan, actually going to the store and buying it, prepping it etc. Or it may include looking through the fridge/freezer to see what is available and going with that. Or it may include looking at your weekly schedule to see how many client lunches you will be having so you can plan that accordingly.
And planning versus eating what you plan are also two different things. One might be on the doing list, one on the not but should be doing list. So, make sure you think through it, you separate it out into all of its parts and get them on the right list. After you have your specific list, I want you to go through each item on that list and ask yourself, does this feel like wings or weight? Don’t overthink it, just come up with two icons, two colors, or circle one and underline the other and separate it out. And just go with your gut if you will.
So, look at it, ask yourself, does this feel like wings or weight, and then just decide. Once you’ve done that we’re going to apply our favorite question, why? Why does this feel like wings or why does this feel like weight? Spoiler alert, it’s not because some are just hard and some are easy. It’s not because you are good at some and bad at others. It’s not because parts are fun and other parts just suck. And it has nothing to do with you as a human.
The reason the different things on the list feel different is because of how you are thinking about them. I talk to you about loving your reasons a lot. I tell you to pay attention to the decisions you are making and notice if they feel aligned. I tell you to come from love. This is another way of doing that. If you love your reason you’ll know because it feels like wings. If you don’t, it will feel like weight. If you make a decision and it feels like wings, it’s aligned. If you make a decision and it feels like weight, it’s not.
If you’re coming from love for yourself, it will feel like wings. If you are coming from fear, or punishment, or self-loathing it will feel like weight. That’s because that feeling of weight or wings, it comes from you, not the thing you are doing/not doing or eating/not eating. Let’s say planning your meals for the next day is on the doing list and it feels like wings, that’s because you are likely thinking something like I can totally do this tomorrow. This will make a big difference.
I’m going to be so proud at the end of the day tomorrow. This will be easy. This is doable. This is an important part of the process. This is how I will lose the weight, planning and eating like this. Let’s say it’s on the not doing list and it feels like weight. That’s because you’re likely thinking something like I hate this. It will never work. I don’t want to do this. I don’t have time for this. There’s no point since I have no idea what tomorrow will be like. I probably won’t even want to eat this tomorrow. This is too hard. I have no idea what to plan. I hate following a plan.
It’s not the item on the list or the amount of time or skill it requires that makes it feel like wings or weight, it’s how you are thinking about it. So, you don’t have to find something else to do, you just have to figure out how to think differently about it. If there’s something on that list that you know is important to your process, and yet you are not doing it and it feels like weight, start there. Question each sentence you think about it. Why do you believe that? What else is true?
Counterargue your way through it. Imagine you are someone who is doing that thing consistently and it feels like wings to them, why? How are they thinking differently about it than you? How could you get on that same page or one close to it? There may be things on the not doing list that feel like weight, that you don’t think are important. Someone told you that you should, it’s what everybody else does etc. When you come across those, cross them off, get rid of them, focus on the things that are important to you, get them feeling more like wings, start there.
When you notice should sentences they’ll feel like weight every time. So, swap out the word ‘should’ with ‘could’, ‘can’, ‘want to’ or ‘choose to’ and see if that small shift can change it to wings. Sometimes all it takes is a slightly different way of looking at it and it changes everything. Now, this feeling of wings doesn’t always come from the easy, fun, simple decision. Sometimes it comes from the hard, gritty, tricky decisions. You can say no to your toddler brain that wants to eat all the chocolate after a hard day at work and all the discomfort of that will wash over you and it will still feel like wings.
Or you might have the opposite experience, you get home, you want the chocolate so, so bad, you eat it and you feel relief because you gave in and you said yes but it will feel like weight. At our core we are loving beings, we build lots of walls, and mazes, and protections, and sound barriers as we go through our lives and we disconnect and mute this core but it doesn’t stop existing and it doesn’t change. The strongest evidence to me of this is that we feel so terrible when we are terrible to ourselves.
When we talk cruelly to ourselves, when we criticize ourselves mercilessly, when we berate ourselves for not being perfect we feel terrible. I have never had anyone come to me and tell me that they love when their inner mean girl screams at them that they are fat and disgusting when they look in the mirror, or that they really appreciate how much crap that voice gives them for overeating or for eating certain things.
Or that they just can’t wait to wake up every morning and hear the broken soundtrack start up, you are broken, you’ll never figure this out, you’re hopeless, you don’t deserve anything better. That’s actually the number one thing that my clients want to change. They want that voice to quiet and the conversation to be different. They want to have more compassion for themselves and more confidence in themselves.
This is the call from that loving core. When we align with its desire for us to treat ourselves with love and respect we feel the wings. When we go against it it’s weight. It will take some practice to feel it but close your eyes and pay attention. Sometimes the hard decision feels like wings because it’s aligned with that loving core of you. Sometimes the default easy solutions feel like weight because they’re not aligned with that inner part of you that wants to progress and grow with love.
So don’t just look at something and guess, test it out, try it on I always say. Start tuning into the feeling difference of wings and weight and start to be guided by it. Have an amazing week. I’ll see you soon.
Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Weight Loss Success with Natalie Brown. If you want to learn more about how to lose weight for the last time, come on over to itbeginswithathought.com. We’ll see you here next week.