Ep #118: Your Selves - It Begins With A Thought Coaching

Ep #118: Your Selves

Weight Loss Success with Natalie Brown | Your Selves

Have you ever had one of those moments where hearing an old song from your childhood transports you through time, envisioning a memory clearer than ever before? I had a few moments like this recently and reminded me of a very formative period in my life. These songs took me back to being seven or eight years old, and I had some trauma during that period that I took on as my fault. 

I was overrun with shame, guilt, and confusion. I know this isn’t a unique experience and so many of you out there can relate. So, we need to talk about how we can open up to our younger selves, our teenage selves, our young-mom selves, and even just our last-year pandemic selves, and meet those versions of you with forgiveness and compassion.

Listen in this week to discover the importance of opening up and forgiving your past selves for the choices they made, so you can show your future self a little more love. I’m sharing how to see where this work lies in your life, and how to reconnect with the past versions of yourself that you might currently be ignoring.

 

If you’re ready to take this work deeper and get help, support, and guidance along the way, now is the time to sign up for my Love First Weight Loss program! A new group is starting in May, so click here to join us! 

 

 

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • How our whole selves fracture throughout our lives until we learn to reunite and reincorporate all of our fractured selves.
  • Why we owe it to our current and future selves to meet our past selves with love and compassion.
  • One simple exercise to connect the different versions of you who have existed throughout your life.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

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Full Episode Transcript:

This is Weight Loss Success, with Natalie Brown, episode 118.

Welcome to Weight Loss Success with Natalie Brown. If you’re a successful woman who is ready to stop struggling with your weight, you’re in the right place. You’ll learn everything you need to know to lose weight for the last time in bitesize pieces. Here’s your host, certified life and weight coach Natalie Brown.

Hello, everybody. Music has always been a really important catalyst for me, a catalyst of emotion, and change, and inspiration, and expression, and identity. I’m a singer. More a visible part of my identity in my younger years, meaning I don’t perform much outside of my car these days but it’s still part of the fabric of who I am. Singing is a really strong gauge for me of my outlook and my attitude. When I’m in a cynical low vibration place I barely want to listen to music and I definitely don’t sing along.

When I’m feeling gratitude and a higher vibration emotion I can’t wait to turn on music and sing with abandon in the car. So, this gives me an opportunity to really get curious. When I don’t want to sing I get curious. What’s going on with me? Where is my head at? What am I thinking about and feeling? And I can do the same thing when I’m wanting to sing, check-in, what’s going on with me? What am I thinking about and feeling? Sometimes I’m just living sort of above awareness of what’s going on under the surface. So, I love these external signals to check-in.

Other things I notice and look for as check-in signals, me heading to the candy tub in my pantry. If I find myself, it’s on a lower shelf so if I find myself in there bending down searching for something there is a reason. And sometimes I get all the way to that point before I’m like, “Hey, what’s going on?” Much of the time the reason is under the surface and it kind of requires a spotlight in the form of compassionate curiosity for me to look into it, figure it out, “What’s going on, Natalie?” I ask myself. And I go inside for the answer.

Scrolling or shopping online when I have something else on the calendar like say in the midst of writing, creating my podcast, if I notice myself on my phone I usually stop. When there’s something else on the calendar like work, or housework, or errands and I then find myself doing something else especially on my phone, it’s a strong signal to pause and to check-in. So, a bit of a digression from what I planned to talk about but I’m sure it will be useful for someone. Look at those places, those things that you notice to kind of turn your eyes inward, your mind’s eyes.

So back to music. The other day I turned on an old playlist that I created probably 15 years ago and had on my original iPod. And I haven’t listened to it in a while. And a song came on and with that song a super clear very detailed strong memory from my childhood. I was seven and I was at my mom’s house in her extra bedroom that had hardwood floors, and a rug, and a twin bed, and a radio. And the song, True Colors by Cyndi Lauper came on. And I remember twirling, and humming along, and just loving the song.

That was the memory, that was it. It was not emotionally charged, or connected to a trauma, or a an important event. It wasn’t lifechanging or even life impacting, it doesn’t seem like. It was just a regular weekend night at my mom’s, just like any other. And that’s the only piece I remember is that moment of hearing that song on the radio and feeling a connection to it. But it’s a super easy memory to recall whenever I hear that song, it’s burned into my brain. I told my daughter about that memory. We were in the car together when this playlist was playing and this song came on.

And I told her that story and she said, “That sounds like a core memory, mom”, in her wise beyond her 13 years way. And it really got me thinking. If you don’t understand that reference to core memories, you should definitely pause this and go watch Inside Out, it’s one of my favorite movies, Disney movies, teaching so many great concepts. It’s a Disney movie with a really wise message. Anyway, I wondered why that moment is so clear, why it would be a core memory. No one else is involved, it’s just me alone in a room with a radio.

I started to think of a few other memories I have from my childhood that are attached to music. One is of me and my stepsister at a campground outside of Yellowstone, we were on a family trip. And we were eating Jolly Rancher sticks. I don’t even know if they still have those but we kept getting them at the campground, little campground store and pretending they were microphones. And we were standing on a cement pad that was near the playground, I’m not sure why.

And we were singing Whitney Houston’s Greatest Love of All at the top of our lungs for the world to hear, the whole campground, whether they wanted to or not. And another at my favorite aunt’s house listening to Whitney’s, I Want to Dance with Somebody on her record player that was really high tech, and her awesome sound system. I remember her turning it up and we were just kind of having a little dance party in the middle of the day.

All of these memories are around the same age, seven to eight, which was a very formative time period for me. I had some trauma in my life at that time and I took it on as my fault. And I was just overrun with shame, and guilt, and confusion, and my identity shifted from an innocent little girl to a girl who was broken and bad and had to keep lots of secrets so no one would find out I was broken and bad. It was a lot for a seven year old to manage all on her own and hold inside. And that’s really kind of when I learned to hide in order to survive.

I started hiding food, I mean I was hiding literally and figuratively. So, when my daughter said, “That sounds like a core memory”, and I started to think more deeply about this, and then I Googled when those three songs came out and saw that my memory was correct, that all three of them came out in 1986 and 87 when I was in fact seven and eight. I had this sort of affirming epiphany. Those seemingly mundane moments that have stayed vivid for nearly 40 years are not mundane at all.

The reason those songs spoke to my little soul and have remained in my brain all this time is because of the messages that they had for me, that my soul could understand even if it went right over my tiny seven year old head. So, I just want to read you the lyrics to both of these songs so you can kind of understand what I mean.

You with the sad eyes, don’t be discouraged. Oh, I realize it’s hard to take courage in a world full of people. You can lose sight of it all and the darkness inside you can make you feel so small. But I see your true colors shining through. I see your true colors and that’s why I love you. So don’t be afraid to let them show. Your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow.

Show me a smile then, don’t be unhappy, can’t remember when I last saw you laughing. If this world makes you crazy and you’ve taken all you can bear, you call me up because you know I’ll be there. And I’ll see your true colors shining through. I see your true colors and that’s why I love you. So don’t be afraid to let it show. Your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow.

And Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston who is my favorite singer of all time ever who I named my very first fir baby after, my first dog child. This is The Greatest Love of All.

I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride to make it easier. Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be. Everybody’s searching for a hero. People need someone to look up to. I never found anyone who fulfils my needs. A lonely place to be. And so, I learned to depend on me.

I decided long ago never to walk in anyone’s shadows. If I fail, if I succeed at least I’ll live as I believe. No matter what they take from me, they can’t take away my dignity. Because the greatest love of all is happening to me. I found the greatest love of all inside of me. The greatest love of all is easy to achieve. Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.

I just, I imagine my little self hearing those words on a deeper level, a level she so desperately needed to hear them on, her soul level, that no matter what had happened or what was happening, that she had everything she needed inside. That her value was innate. That who she was, was enough, that she didn’t need to hide forever. And they still live inside me as a reminder of those truths.

They are core memories because they shaped me and they gave me a small hope that someday I would learn how to forgive, and move forward, and love all of myself, even and especially the struggling parts. My little self was doing her best while dealing with all of her worry about being good and right.

I have a coach/teacher who shared this concept with me. Imagine we are a container full of water when we’re born. When things happen to us as we grow, we sort of fracture, we divide, we split in order to survive. A little of us, often the painful hurt or struggling part is poured out into its own compartment so that we can stay strong and keep fighting. And it happens over and over again until hopefully and eventually we learn how to reconnect with, reunite with and we reincorporate all of our fractured parts back into a beautiful patchwork hole.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we have to learn to forgive ourselves for everything we have done to survive. It’s important that we open up to our little selves, that we get down on their level and we look at the world through their eyes and we understand their pain and their choices. And that we forgive them for what they did to survive. It’s important that we open up to our young selves, and our teenage selves, and young mom selves, and our last year’s selves, and for many of my clients right now, their pandemic selves and forgive them for what they did to survive.

Why is this important? Because your relationship with these past versions of you is part of your current relationship with you. How you learn to regard yourself in the past is informing how you regard yourself today. And your relationship with yourself matters because as you know, as I keep mentioning, and talking about, and doing entire podcasts on. It drives and it determines how you treat and show up for yourself in your weight loss journey and beyond.

So, I want to just offer you an exercise to connect with these versions of you. I obviously talked about my child self, I know that some of you may not have my same story of course. So just kind of think about back to your life some of these times when you started to fracture and compartmentalize. It may not have been when you were seven or eight, maybe it was when you were 37 or 38. But just kind of think about your life and draw a horizontal line on a piece of paper if it helps.

And then go through and make a timeline of sorts of some of these kind of pivotal events in your life where you think a fracture, or a split, or a divide, or that compartmentalization happened. And then imagine going back in time, if you have pictures of yourself in these periods, I think it’s helpful to actually look at yourself. And ask that version of yourself, what she wants you to know, what message does she have for you, what do you need to hear from her, what’s her point of view.

It can be helpful to really get some place quiet, turn on some music, almost use this as a meditation of sorts to really connect with that sort of deep inside part of you. And then I also want you to think about what you would say to her, write her a letter or record her a voice message. What does she need to hear from you in all of your wisdom and experience? What is your message to her? What can you share with her about what she’s going through from your wise experienced compassionate point of view?

Generating compassion for these younger versions of yourself that were doing their best to survive can be so healing to your relationship with you now. Imagine your little self and her struggles in your hard moments to kind of increase your understanding and compassion for your current self. Notice how you talk to yourself now and imagine saying the same thing to that little girl. Bring the relationship into the present, reincorporate it into your relationship with you so that all of the parts that make up your beautiful complex whole can be seen and experienced.

I love you all my friends, I’ll see you soon.

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Weight Loss Success with Natalie Brown. If you want to learn more about how to lose weight for the last time, come on over to itbeginswithathought.com. We’ll see you here next week.

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Natalie brown certified life and weight loss coach

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I spent over 2 decades battling my weight and hating my body, before I found a solution that worked FOR GOOD. I lost 50 pounds by changing not just what I eat, but WHY. Now I help other women like me get to the root of the issue and find their own realistic, permanent weight loss success. Change is possible and you can do it. I can help you.

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